The Misapplied Criminal Mind

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Born 1973. Haven't died yet, despite several near-misses.

Doing stuff.
Fiddly things.


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Blog Links
Just some of the great blogs I keep stumbling on. Go for an explore, and if you see any really good ones, let me know...

- the hottest blogger I know.
- I hate knitting. However, I love this blog. Who'd have thought?
- If you ask me, it's perpetual brilliance!
- 'nuff said.
Inspired - inspiring.
- ...into light.
Xenouveau - Her from Sadisticland.
All Geek To Me - Fun from Scout Finch.

The HAL9000 Report - WARNING! - Controversy!

Elven Sarah - Witty and weird, a bit like me (but witty).
Sedgefield - A nice blog, which may have died from meme deficiency...
Lorianne - A great lady had a great blog. Hopefully it returns...
superphase - A stick hero for the masses...
Sadly, we have been given the cold Shoulder.
- a great blog from the continent, nice and warm there.
Selfindulgence - Not indulgent any more.
She Speaks - The star-crossed lover is now silent.
Organic Feminism - A tremendous blog. Even though she calls me Scoots *shudder*
You can no longer get your soup fix from souplover.

The Witches of Elswick
Lair of the Strong Bad - 3D Chat - Sweets

My mood is: The current mood of winstonsmith at

Hits since 28/07/2004:

Blogarama - The Blog Directory

Entries you may have missed
Behold The Freak!!!
Insert Title Here...
Cycling woes.
Happy Easter, etc.
Back Seat Blogger
Remember Sammy Jankiss
Journey from Hell...
I have returned...
My warbly song...
Astral Projection
Tick followed tock...
Another Week

Link Images
If you want to put a little picture on your site linking to this one, then you can use one of these images...

If you use one, try to host it yourself, I can't be certain how long the website will be up...

ŠThe Misapplied Criminal Mind. All rights reserved. No reproduction without permission.

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Friday, June 04, 2004
I have returned...

Well, I should really tell you all about my adventures over the last few weeks, the tribulations of moving and so on, but first, I'll tell you about my sister's new vacuum cleaner.

Dateline: The weekend before the move.
My sister is getting a little nervous about my impending move. It's not my scruffy presence that worries her, but that of Spartacus.
It's time to come clean. I live with a gladiator. Now forget the talk of snails and oysters, this is a fearsome warrior in feline form. He's 9 years old (that's "Up yours, human!" in cat years), and he spends his entire life indulging in one of theses activities:

  • Shedding hair
  • Clawing furniture
  • Sleeping
  • Exploring
  • Being scared by pieces of fluff
  • Being completely unfazed by earthquakes, plane crashes and the like.
  • Picking at his food
  • Demanding cat milk (lactose-free)
  • Demanding to be let out
Most of these are resolvable, and all part of the process of being a cat's slave...owner, but the shedding seems to be the one she has the most trouble with. Despite the fact that the house has only two carpets (master bedroom, landing/stairs), the threading of cat hairs through the carpet fibres can reduce her to a quivering wreck. Her current hoover (not a vac by hoover, just what we call 'em over here) is my old one, and sucks as hard as an asthmatic budgie.

So, we paid a visit to several different showrooms, looking for hoovers. She wanted a bagless one, but not an accursed Dyson.
High and low we searched, until finally we came across a nice hoover.
We got it home, and she proceeded to clean the house, declaring it a minor miracle.

Dateline: Wednesday night
I had a call from my sis, who's staying at the folks' this week. "Don't forget to hoover," she told me.
My mum called from Tenerife, a smalll island in the Atlantic, just off the coast of Africa. "Don't forget to hoover," she said.

I think my family considers me forgetful.

So, 11pm, having forgotten to do it earlier, I decided to tackle the vacuuming. Oh my goodness, what a beast! It's only small, but it has a voracious appetite. It gobbled up all the animal hairs, dust, and optimistically attempted the following:

  • My shoe
  • A bin bag full of clothes
  • 3 rugs
  • the cat
  • my jeans (worn)
  • a sofa

I was drained at the end, it was stronger than me!


That sounds rather suspect...


Posted at 08:59 am by Paul

June 7, 2004   11:44 PM PDT
rofl... you're killin me here winson!
June 4, 2004   06:25 PM PDT
Do you THINK it could be possible, that is was not the vacuum, but the Vacuum-er, which caused the alleged Gobbling or Trying to Gobble of:
Your shoe
A bin bag ful of clothes
3 rugs
the cat
Your Jeans (worn)
And a Sofa?!

Is it possible?!
June 4, 2004   03:39 PM PDT
We borrowed Lee's vacuum in the first week.

Within ten minutes it had exploded, taking with it the electricity on the first floor for several days.

June 4, 2004   11:56 AM PDT
hey schnookums! good to see you back... you wanna come over and hoover my place now? *grins hopefully* I always wanted a maid... um... *pinches leg*
June 4, 2004   09:03 AM PDT
I have not read an entry where I haven't laughed!

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