The Misapplied Criminal Mind

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Born 1973. Haven't died yet, despite several near-misses.

Doing stuff.
Fiddly things.


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Blog Links
Just some of the great blogs I keep stumbling on. Go for an explore, and if you see any really good ones, let me know...

- the hottest blogger I know.
- I hate knitting. However, I love this blog. Who'd have thought?
- If you ask me, it's perpetual brilliance!
- 'nuff said.
Inspired - inspiring.
- ...into light.
Xenouveau - Her from Sadisticland.
All Geek To Me - Fun from Scout Finch.

The HAL9000 Report - WARNING! - Controversy!

Elven Sarah - Witty and weird, a bit like me (but witty).
Sedgefield - A nice blog, which may have died from meme deficiency...
Lorianne - A great lady had a great blog. Hopefully it returns...
superphase - A stick hero for the masses...
Sadly, we have been given the cold Shoulder.
- a great blog from the continent, nice and warm there.
Selfindulgence - Not indulgent any more.
She Speaks - The star-crossed lover is now silent.
Organic Feminism - A tremendous blog. Even though she calls me Scoots *shudder*
You can no longer get your soup fix from souplover.

The Witches of Elswick
Lair of the Strong Bad - 3D Chat - Sweets

My mood is: The current mood of winstonsmith at

Hits since 28/07/2004:

Blogarama - The Blog Directory

Entries you may have missed
Behold The Freak!!!
Insert Title Here...
Cycling woes.
Happy Easter, etc.
Back Seat Blogger
Remember Sammy Jankiss
Journey from Hell...
I have returned...
My warbly song...
Astral Projection
Tick followed tock...
Another Week

Link Images
If you want to put a little picture on your site linking to this one, then you can use one of these images...

If you use one, try to host it yourself, I can't be certain how long the website will be up...

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Thursday, May 06, 2004

Guilt is one of my defining characteristics. Looking back I can attribute most of my actions to guilt, trying to assuage it or avoid it.
I tried to keep it contained once, but in the end my mind bulged and cracked like a metaphysical Tetsuo.
My whole marriage was one big guilt trip from one moment. As I stood there waiting for my family to get ready, I realised I was going to be late.

Since then I've learnt to recognise guilt when it strikes.
The sour twisting, the whisper in my ear; "You should be ashamed."

And I always am.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Wednesday Mind Hump

Wednesday Mind Hump - Week 17

This week a "getting to know you" theme with an insane twist.

First, a warm up.  in celebration of our fresh and "Spring"y layout, using the letters B-O-I-N-G reveal five things about yourself.  You can use just one word or just chatter, chatter, chatter.  Either way, just go crazy!

Now...we wouldn't leave you with just half a hump so here's the rest so you can have the hump, the whole hump and nothing but the hump!  Let's hump, shall we?

01.  If your blog were scratch and sniff, what would it smell like?
02.  Which horror movie monster are you most like and why?
03.  If you were being sold in a Walmart, which department would you be in and what exactly would you be?  Would you be on sale?
04.  Earth, Wind, Fire and Water.  Which element would you be.  What form of that element would you be and why?
05.  What sitcom character (past or present) do you think you are most like and why?

B - Benefit of the doubt. I always end up giving people this.
O - Optimist.  I believe that people are generally nice
I - Idiot. This is what the previous answers make me.
N - Nice. I'd like to be nice...
G - Growing up. Something I'm avoiding.

01 - Tour bus odour, just the thought of all those screwed up noses.hehehe.
02 - The vampire alien zombie from Plan 9 from Outer Space. Not very good at acting, played by different people. Likes drinking blood. Muahahaa!
03 - I'd be an umbrella. Always stumbled over, and impossible to find when needed. I'd also be in the sale section, half price.
04 - Water. A lake, calm on the surface, but dangerous to the unwary.
05 - Basil Fawlty. I can get quite het up.

Journey from Hell...

I am whole again. After yesterday morning's journey through Hell, I am once again able to write.
It was raining, gargantuan sheets of water that stung my face and smashed down my body and legs, soaking my trousers and jacket through the waterproof.
I sat down to write about it, in some way purging myself of the memory, when I realised the true magnitude of the horror. I had forgotten my pen!!!

Me without a pen is like a samurai without his katana. Luckily I had a movie magazine to while some time with, or I would have gone insane for sure.

Coming back was infinitely better. I arrived at the station with 10 minutes to spare, to find out that the train I needed to make my connection was delayed by 20 minutes. I eventually missed the connection by 3 minutes, which meant I was looking at a 40 minute wait.

And then, halfway through my macaroon and latte, my phone rang.

All of my woes were forgotten for the rest of the day, and I arrived at home at 7:30, three hours after setting off, quite content, and still talking at length to the wonderful girl who was aware of the spiralling cost of the conversation, but reluctant to curtail it.

I love conversations like this, with pregnant pauses, when we're both too breathless to speak.

And those wistful moments of regret that we were born in the wrong place.


It's all Angelena's fault! If she hadn't persuaded me, I wouldn't have posted my crazy googlism...
For accuracy, I have used my real name (Paul). Don't tell anyone...

paul is leaving (In some cases, this is true)
paul is 'pop billionaire' (Yes, I'm typing this from my yacht)
paul is engaged (Actually, I'm usually vacant)
paul is arrested in the temple (By the religion police)
paul is not dead (that's a relief)
paul is beheaded (I have an itchy neck, it's probably not the same thing)
paul is looking (yep)
paul is our savior (I can't argue with that)
paul is "good to go" (always)
paul is an international catholic (I'm not, but it sounds fun)
paul is (Succinct, to the point. I am)
paul is at best lukewarm about the usa patriot act (meh)
paul is born (I was born, I've tended to avoid it since then)
paul is dead (I am? Could be the beheaded thing)
paul is dead? (You mean you don't know?)
paul is dead ii (hey! A sequel!)
paul is promotions director (cool! I needed a new job)
paul is walking with his eyes closed (That's why my nose hurts...)
paul is a republican member of congress from texas
paul is second favourite to win big brother (That title was MINE, I tell you!)
paul is in prison (Feels like it sometimes)
paul is the author of over a dozen books about windows (including "Why windows sucks" and "Uninstalling Windows for Dummies")
paul is a good host city for the league of historic american theatres 2002 conference (I have plenty of parking and easy access)
paul is insensed (I am incensed by the spelling of this)
paul is rich (like bernaise sauce)
paul is in tux (when I'm playing dress-up as James Bond)
paul is live in cleveland (Limited tickets available)
paul is a four (I think I'm maybe a 3)
paul is a pansy (oo-er)
paul is sent to felix (
paul is live at cheap price in uk (Check phone booths for details)
paul is wack (sho' nuff!)
paul is flanked by a poster showing a likeness of himself (usually)
paul is a bad trader (I buy high and sell low)
paul is canadian (ahh, chance would be a fine thing)
paul is the best there is (I told you!)
paul is named a top 10 washington gadfly (I'm not sure if that's good or not...)
paul is proud to present the 2002 pga tour west coast swing nov
paul is the third lady topper to receive honors this season (odd...I don't seem to recall ever 'topping' a lady)
paul is an awesome two (I still think a 3)
paul is getting married there ("there" being my nightmarish memories)
paul is wonderful actor (actually I suck. More ham than a butcher's shop)
paul is pulling no punches (I never do)
paul is an evolutionist? (it's not that surprising. Darwin was a smart guy)
paul is going to turn on brock (I don't know who Brock is, bu he'd better watch out!)
paul is safe and well (I think so)
paul is wrong (I am always wrong)
paul is back (and badder than ever)
paul is a 27 year old australian who loves technology (close enough, except geographically)
paul is not going to be a father again for the time being (again?! *hides from the CPA*)
paul is awarded the free software foundation award for the advancement of free software; va linux employee is honored for his work on the mesa 3d (Where do I pick it up?)
paul is the leading spokesman in washington for limited constitutional government (well, I don't like to brag)
paul is arrested in jerusalem and goes to caesarea (usually after a very heavy night out)
paul is putting his career back into shape (too right)
paul is a real hero (awww shucks)
paul is the new fred (Yes!! At last! I always envied Fred!)
paul is new aviation secy (so long as I don't get chased around the desk by a jumbo)
paul is moving (In four weeks!!!)
paul is ready to rise (that I am)
paul is a dead man (oo-er. Brock's onto me)
paul is an adult who is free to make his own decisions (don't exaggerate)
paul is almost perfect by keven chavez (thanks keven, I try)
paul is hosting? (Occasionally)
paul is staying put (but only for four weeks)
paul is dying; vatican remains mum (uh oh, I could be dead again)
paul is dead paul is dead paul is dead paul is dead paul is dead paul is dead paul is dead (OK, I'm dead! I get it!)
paul is alive …david crane (At last! Someone know's the truth!)
paul is paul my lady (though, prithee, why forsooth?)
paul is top of the world in athens (They're gonna light my hair instead of the olympic flame, I know it)
paul is here (hide the crockery)
paul is dead' lives(now you're just confused)
paul is in the "right" forum (I guess so)
paul is the newest hummer accessory (buy one, get me free)
paul is charmed (I'm sure)
paul is so hott (I am? *blush*)

It's a two-for-one deal...

I was going to type up something I wrote this morning. I still will, but I've something else I need to get down before the electrical impulses storing it dissipate.

I had threats and insults yesterday.

I've said elsewhere that I don't respond well to threats.

The insults, however, made me do something that I knew would cause some upset, but that I felt I had to do.

I had a brief fling with someone online. It was largely innocuous, and at the time she had just found out about the infidelity of her current online partner. Said partner then started a conversation with me. It was friendly enough at first, but it soon degenerated into repeated and heated accusations that I was a liar, and plenty of veiled threats. So I sent him the conversation log, which was far less salacious than he will have expected. I also sent his verbal assaults, and copied her in the mail, so she'd know what I was doing, and why.

I suspect said partner ran off to use it as ammunition against her, without actually considering that he was probably more at fault than she was.

In hindsight, I wouldn't have sent it straight away. I would have told her first. She may be suffering for my error.

I still would have done it. It was the truth.

And the truth is all we have.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Breaking up is hard to do...

Well, I've found it difficult to write over the last few days, events have been all-consuming, and I haven't had the motivation to do anything other than vegetate.

We've had a firm offer on the house, after the surveys. It's less than we wanted, but more than we hoped, so I called the estate agents to say "We'll accept it, providing the remainder of the paperwork can be completed in four weeks." This will put moving day to late May, early June, if not sooner.

It still won't be soon enough.

She came around on Saturday, to tell me she's officially moving out in a couple of weeks. She's not been here for a few weeks anyway, except occasionally, when she likes to come in and argue.
While she was here we decided how to split up the furniture and stuff. She's getting the good sofa and chair, the good bed, the dining table, I get the computers, video equipment, ironing board, broken sofa, broken bed, futon.
It was quite a wrench when it came to the little things - photos of New York, the windchime I bought her because it had the chinese glyph for "love" - and we both ended up with tears inour eyes. Our marriage is dead, and the grieving process continues.

Monday Music Mambo

So here we go...

Think of all the songs you have ever heard in your life..*thinking*..if you could have written any ONE of them which would it be and why?

Just to add a little more fun to your lives here is some 'I say, You think'...the only thing is anything I say you have to think of something music related.

1.  oklahoma
2.  cat
3.  sun
4.  coffee
5.  lotion
6.  train
7.  candy cane
8.  phone
9.  tummy
10.  bob

On your marks...get set...and MAMBO!!!

I would write "Happy Birthday". Not only would it bring joy to millions, I'd be raking in the cash! hehehe.

1 oklahoma - where the somethings run across the plain...I don't know the words, but i know the tune.
2 cat - Stevens.
3 Sun - Records.
4 Coffee - Michelle Coffee, formerly of Coffee and Cream (Phoenix Nights, english comedy)
5 Lotion - Ummmm.....Moco-lotion?
6 Train - Runaway Train - Del Amitri
7 Candy Cane - The Candy man, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
8 Phone - I just called to say I love you, Stevie Wonder
9 tummy - When Doves Cry, Prince
10 bob - Never, The Infinity Doctors (backing by yours truly)

Monday, May 03, 2004
Normal Service will be resumed as soon as possible.

There is something wrong with my hand-eye coordination. I am unable to type anything out at the moment.
My spelling has degenerated to such an extent tjhat a word can take up to seven attempts to get rifht.
It's really putting a dampener on my writing, and I'm sick of it now. I'll do the mambo and the mind hump, and hopefully I can write something else.

I need to get out of this rut, I've important writing to do!!

Thursday, April 29, 2004
Too cool for school?

I've sent off my application form to the college, to do a BA (Hons) in Media, Writing, and Production. Basically it's a movie degree, and with my passion for all things cinematic, Ican't think of anything I'd rather do.
Here's my personal statement. This is the first stage. I need to impress them enough to get an interview. After that, I need to put together a portfolio:

I have always had a fascination with the moving image. As a teenager, I would cajole my friends into appearing in one of my comic endeavours, be it rudimentary stop-motion, sight gags, or Sci-Fi spoofery.This went in parallel with my interest in writing, until more recently, when I started to write screenplays. I have made a couple of my own shorts, which were captured from Hi-8, and edited using Adobe Premiere. While one was a simple exercise in production, another was made with the help of the contacts I had made from appearing in amateur productions, most recently in the S.A.O.S. showing of Annie Get Your Gun.

I have played the guitar since the age of 15, and performed at various amateur folk and pop concerts. This grounding has been invaluable in the production of my shorts, and brought home the added dimension that sound has in visual production.

Having used computers for most of my life, I am comfortable with the IT aspects of production. I customised my PC as a miniature editing suite, and published my short films to the world wide web. I have also tinkered with various CGI packages, such as Maya, Lightwave, and Softimage XSi, and my ten years of experience in customer-facing roles has given me valuable communications skills.

I am passionate about film. I have a large movie collection, which I am constantly increasing, and I am a regular visitopr to my multiplex.
I believe that this course is perfect for me, and I am confident that I will excel as a student at your establishment.

Have I sold myself well enough? I'm biting my fingernails; I need this course. Without it I'll lose my sanity, and my hope...

Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Meme madness...

Ok, ok. enough of the memes already.

Hangover cures

These are tried and tested remedies for having a hangover (in my extensive experience)

  • Bananas - Sugar and Potassium. Everything the recovering alcoholic needs...
  • Alcohol - Hair of the dog, but remember that the second bite is deeper and more painful...
  • Swimming - Excercise is good for you, laziness is not...
  • Thick Shake - Macdonalds, Burger King. Sugar and fat. And vanilla too, preferably.
  • Sleep it off - Not an ideal solution unless you have 18 hours you're not using.
  • Powerade - In fact any "isotonic" sports drink, but the blue powerade got me through a 250 mile journey after a heavy session, without crashing or stopping for an hour's sleep.
  • English breakfast - Bacon, eggs, sausage, fried bread, grilled tomato, mushrooms. WARNING: This is a kill-or-cure remedy.
  • Wake-up juice - Tabasco, vinegar, molasses, other stuff. Never tried it, but it worked for Doc Emmett Brown. hehehe...
  • Water before bed - Still the most effective, in my book. Drink a pint of water before you go to bed, and you'll minimise the damage.

If you have a sure-fire hangover cure, comment me with it. I'll be getting spectacularly drunk to try them out...

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